Do I still have a Blog??

I am a woman of many words.. It's my personality (as most of you know) 

I have found myself very quiet in spirit over these past few years but more so in the past 8 months. 

I lost my ability to write (something I also did very often) it just wouldn't come out. 

Shawna Wright is not someone I know from long ago but through the journey of her dear husband making his journey to be with Jesus. Through that we became friends through Facebook. 

I also cut my circle VERY close for these past 8 months but I kept her close. She has been such an inspiration to me in so many ways. I have followed her not just on Facebook but her blog as well. She has inspired me to have the courage to do this again. 

I have documented more of this journey than I realized. It's just not all in one spot. I have many journals and this is my second blog(shut down the first one). 

By nature I am a very outgoing person, and what you see is what you get. However I'm also very sensitive. I know this may come as a surprise to some that think they know me well. I take things to heart and have a life motto; I love much, hurt much, give much, laugh much. I'm an open book.. That isn't always a good thing. Yet it's who I am and I am not going to let life change me or people change me. However I also love people and so I do care about others. I wouldn't want to hurt you for anything in the world and will go out of my way to make sure I don't. I'm learning it's my kind that end up hurt more often than not. 

Wow this is a raw unedited post from last fall. I decided to share it with y'all! 

Here is the video I said I would post

It's worth the 7 mins!! I pray it blesses your heart! 

http://youtu.be/8xtv3uUQJPk

Late night ramblings

It's 3am... 

SVTs doing its thang.... 

Night Nurse just gave me meds (my dearest Shania) she helped me get set up at my craft table, knowing I probably will only last about an hour tops maybe & 

will get me up & move me to the chair of my choice.

 I'm reflecting on how faithful God is in our life, my life. 

Here we are a week & a half until Shania graduates H.S..

 She bought her own formal gown for her graduation&ashes looks AMAZING in it! 

I would love to post a front view but want to save the surprise until the night of the ceremony. =) 

 my dear Mother and Kelsey went with her to pick it up last night. 

I'm amazed how the Lord is helping me not to fall into a feel sorry for myself routine over not being there for the whole process. 6 years ago my world would of fallen apart & everyone would of heard about it, for real. 

But God has and is teaching me so much these past five years on this journey. 

It's actually the EXACT phrase/title I wrote in a journal some few years back, 

as the theme of a mid-year AFHE Conf where Linda Crosby was the guest speaker.

 "Trust God to fill in the gaps" I might be off in exact wording now that I think about it but.. 

That's what I've been learning. 

Trust!

 Lean!

 Release!

 Believe! 

And here we are, graduation time WITH HONORS,

 and I couldn't tell you hardly a single thing or reason on earth it happened. 

But I can tell you a HEAVENLY one. GOD FILLED IN THE GAP! 

Just like He promised. 

Wow.. Sat down here feeling a bit worn down...

 Now my heart is truly over flowing with thanksgiving & praise to my JESUS!! 

Don't deserve a single bit of this life,

 but He is helping me to live the journey He has lovingly placed me on.

 No mistake about it. 

And as I sat here to write, JESUS has started bringing me out of the SVT's!!! 

I love You JESUS! 

I'm going to post a video that is old but so rich & encouraging. If you want to be blessed, take a listen! 

Help in time of need

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, 

that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

(Hebrews 4:16)

Come boldly... That sticks out to me.. What really sticks out is the source from which I am boldly going, "the throne of grace" wow.. Think about that.. God almighty is sitting on His throne & He has grace to help in ANY need. I'm so thankful I serve a God that is not limited to my imagination or limitations. 

"But my God can supply ALL my needs according to HIS riches in Christ Jesus"

I feel alone, yet not alone right now. 

This has got to be the hottest and most deadly spiritual, emotional, and mental storm our family has faced yet. I don't understand it but I know this is critical... I must do what I know to do or my eternal soul is at stake. Words from a very dear friend and spiritual mother in the faith told me over the phone the other night. "Don't punish JESUS for what man does wrong" 

Don't punish Jesus.... That convicted me and has challenged me to really think about what I am saying or doing or not saying or doing, both are critical right now. 

Wether I like it or not my life is being watched.. But it's not the earthly spectators to be most concerned with.. It's the Heavanly ONE.. He is sitting HIGH and lifted up on His Throne!!! 

 

Jesus please pray to the Father for us today. Please guide us Holy Spirit in each critical step we take. We don't want to grieve You nor cause shame to come upon You because of us failing You in this fire. 

I'm not responsible for anyone but myself as I stand before You, and I do want to finish well.. 

I don't want to be a stumbling block to anyone and I don't want to cause anyone else to be one to me. 

Help me keep my eyes fixed on You at all times Lord as we step out into the unknown once again. I know this much, You will NEVER fail me and You are more than aware of where I am right this very moment. I'm holding onto you with every breath I have JESUS, and it's still not enough. Hold me Lord through this fire, carry us through this trial. Lord, without you holding us we will not make it through. 

Protect our children's hearts and use this tragedy for our good, may it build our faith in You. And carry us as You say in Your word. "From strength to strength". 

My reputation is none of my concern of man.. What matters most is, what do YOU think of me? 

(II Corinthians 12:5-10 NKJV)

Of such a one I will boast; yet of myself I will not boast, except in my infirmities. 

For though I might desire to boast, I will not be a fool; for I will speak the truth. 

But I refrain, lest anyone should think of me above what he sees me to be or hears from me.

 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, 

a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, 

lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times

 that it might depart from me. And He said to me, 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities,

 in reproaches,

 in needs, 

in persecutions, 

in distresses, for Christ’s sake. 

For when I am weak, 

then I am strong. 

Who is Leading?

O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. – Jer 10:23 KJV

“Lead me in a plain path” (Ps. 27:14).

Many people want to direct God, instead of resigning themselves to be directed by Him; to show Him a way, instead of passively following where He leads. —Madame Guyon

I said: “Let me walk in the field”;
God said: ’Nay, walk in the town“; 
I said: ”There are no flowers there“;
He said: ”No flowers, but a crown.”

I said: “But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din”; 
But He wept as He sent me back,
“There is more,” He said, "there is sin

I said: “But the air is thick,
And fogs are veiling the sun”; 
He answered: “Yet souls are sick,
And souls in the dark undone.”

I said: “I shall miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say”; 
He answered me, “Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they.”

I pleaded for time to be given;
He said: “Is it hard to decide? 
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have, followed the steps of your Guide.”

I cast one look at the fields,
Then set my face to the town; 
He said: “My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?”

Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He; 
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.

—George MacDonald

Strong in Suffering

Run now, I pray thee, to meet her, and say unto her, Is it well with thee? is it well with thy husband? is it well with the child? And she answered, It is well. – 2 Kgs 4:26 KJV

“Be strong, my soul! 
Thy loved ones go 
Within the veil. God’s thine, e’en so; 
Be strong.

“Be strong, my soul!
Death looms in view.
Lo, here thy God! He’ll bear thee through;
Be strong.”

For sixty-two years and five months I had a beloved wife, and now, in my ninety-second year I am left alone. But I turn to the ever present Jesus, as I walk up and down in my room, and say, “Lord Jesus, I am alone, and yet not alone—Thou art with me, Thou art my Friend. Now, Lord, comfort me, strengthen me, give to Thy poor servant everything Thou seest he needs.” And we should not be satisfied till we are brought to this, that we know the Lord Jesus Christ experimentally, habitually to be our Friend: at all times, and under all circumstances, ready to prove Himself to be our Friend. —George Mueller

Afflictions cannot injure when blended with submission.

Ice breaks many a branch, and so I see a great many persons bowed down and crushed by their afflictions. But now and then I meet one that sings in affliction, and then I thank God for my own sake as well as his. There is no such sweet singing as a song in the night. You recollect the story of the woman who, when her only child died, in rapture looking up, as with the face of an angel, said, “I give you joy, my darling.” That single sentence has gone with me years and years down through my life, quickening and comforting me. —Henry Ward Beecher

“E’en for the dead I will not bind my soul to grief; 
Death cannot long divide. 
For is it not as though the rose that climbed my garden wall 
Has blossomed on the other, side? 
Death doth hide, 
But not divide;
Thou art but on Christ’s other side!
Thou art with Christ, and Christ with me;
In Christ united still are we.”