Part ONE- of an undetermined amount of rambling posts

So, part one of me actually BLOGGING more than articles, video's, or short snippets of surface things....
Several years ago I could blog in my personality without fear or worry of what anyone thought.. for the most part...
 All I cared about was being who God created me to be...
 When I got saved in December of 2006, I remember asking God to restore my child like faith. I know we all pray that to some degree... but this was a major deal for me, for many reasons... one of which was because of what had led me to backslide in the first place and all that took place while out in DEEEP darkness of sin. as with everyone else, I was in NEED , DESPERATE need of restoration and MAJOR healing.
 God did grant that and began that work in me... ( I will be all over the place with my thoughts so if you can keep up great, if not, least will make for a good read)
 As I started growing in Christ I began to change, and I KNEW this change was ONLY from Jesus making me a new creation.. but because of major insecurities( yes I admit it, bout time someone does, because we ALL deal with them if you are honest about it) I took things people would say to me VERY personally...
 Examples would include but not limited to: I  still wear short sleeves, I wore skirts either to long or to short, wore skirts with slits in them, Christian music I listened too, Christian movies, and list could go on.. 
 Than I would find that I wasn't alone in the crowd, my mistake was being who I was all the time and not hiding it.. Someone forgot to tell me to do that..
 I would share with my husband of things like this and He would encourage me to just keep my hearts intent pure and STOP looking at people and keep my eyes on Jesus.
than of course anything I had to say was not right, people would want me to act like my crazy personality is and laugh along with me, yet talk about how inappropriate it was... INSANITY... 
 So because I am human I would pray and ask the Lord to help me to change if I was a stumbling block to others. 
I take GODS WORD serious, and want to serve HIM with a pure heart... NOTHING I did, no matter HOW MANY TIMES I would try and tame my personality, was never ENOUGH.
SO after awhile of this, I started clamming up again... did not want to bring a bad light to my testimony for Christ that lived in me, or  my family. 
YET that went against my personal belief of being who you are NO MATTER wherever or whomever you may be around. I also knew I had three girls, whom are becoming young ladies looking on. 
SO on top of all the stress life brings, drama that was around us( that we had no control over at the time) so on so forth... made my stress level go up that much more... 
So when we moved into this house that GOD brought to us through a friend, I thought... YES, life will calm down... WRONG... little did we know the road that laid ahead..


FIRST I WANT TO SAY GOD IS GOOD AND KNOWS ALL THINGS AND DOETH THEM WELL!!!


Now having said that, trials of course come with life... but where it got rough was when Dad Wiseman passed into Heaven.
Dad died in December of 2009, Some hurtful things were happening in January of 2010, our worst nightmare came to life in the end of January and rocked our world to the core, and to wrap those few months up, I suffered a MAJOR heart attack on February 20th 2010 @ 3am in our bathroom
I KNEW it was bad ( know a lil something about medicine) looked in the mirror and in that moment knew even 911 possibly couldn't get there fast enough to prevent death.. 
Steve was asleep in bed, he had to get up for work in a few hours... 
I couldn't get a blood pressure on myself( we have cuffs here at home) and started praying( all happened within minuets) I said " Lord, we have been here before.
I don't think I am going to make it out of this one. 
If your will is for me to live, I praise you, if you take me home, PLEASE have mercy and give MUCH grace to Steve and the girls, I trust you Lord, and I ask ya to help me, my desire is to live". 
I was sitting on the toilet lid, stood up leaning over the counter and was trying to make it back to the bed and was going to wake Steve up... 
I was still in pain I could not describe in words... laid down on the bed, reached over and laid my hand on Steve, and said again"Lord your will be done" and I went to sleep!!
 Yes I know that sounds unbelievable, but it DID happen... 
I can not explain it, other than God's will was being done..  
just remember laying there with as much faith as I had, and felt God so so so very real and so so so very close. 


The rest of 2010 was...... I don't have a word for it at the moment... 
I was in and out of the hospital SO MANY TIMES ... 
over several times a month and each time was a hospital stay, not just an ER visit.. 
the ER visits where I did get to come home had to do with my back issue.
 Had a HUGE answer to prayer with my back in the summer of 2010, disks that had been gone and needed surgery to replace, suddenly grew back on their own( as the DR put it) I said NO GOD TOUCHED ME!!! 
In that same visit though, we were told I had a tumor on my spine, and unless it grew was to risky to do anything to it, but would be painful.. 
that was the truth... makes me go paralyzed one side or the  other from my neck down, very painful, very unsettling, but God is in control of that.. 
So dealing with the heart rates of 130-190's were starting to take its toll on my body and emotions.. 
YET again, GOD was so good to come and help every time.. 
One night I was heading to church on a Thursday night, and went into an episode, Steve took me to a different hospital, we were praying for a DR that would be willing to DO SOMETHING with my heart problem.. 
Dr.Haas was brought on my case along with LOTS of other DR's... 
 Ended up having a Cardio Vert( the electrical current in my heart had been flipped backwards due to the heart attack) to correct the electrical current, and an Electrophysiology Study done( mapping my heart and so on so forth looking for the "problem causers" and a Cardiac Ablation on the right side of my heart. Upon the findings of that, I have the same problem on the left side of my heart, they cannot and will NOT operate on it due to its location in my heart, it would kill me upon that attempt. 
SO if God sees fit to heal me, PRAISE HIS NAME, or if HE chooses to give me the grace to live with it, PRAISE HIS NAME. Either way it is up to HIM.


I explained that part because sadly, there are things that have come back to us that no one believes what happened. 
And also just the way people act, ya tell the story over and over again and they  keep asking over and over again what the problem is, or why this or why that..
 Gets very discouraging.. but let something happen in their life and oh boy stop the presses its tragic.. 
guess the old saying is true, unless it hits home, there is no understanding. 
It keeps a person on their knees for sure.. either you will become resentful over the hurt, or you give it to God and be willing to be misunderstood and pushed out of some places...
 Well I CHOOSE to be misunderstood, and GOD is so good, HE brought into our life some very wonderful people that ministered to us and loved us, brought us meals, send cards... just showed the love of Christ!! 


So moving into September of 2010, Kelsey fell here in the house and got 4 fractures in one knee, we had no insurance, and after MUCH prayer, and MANY tears crying out to GOD... GOD showed up in a BIG BIG way, and now Kelsey has had surgery(2 months after my heart surgery) and is healing very well.. There are MANY HUGE praise testimonies to give out of this situation, and maybe one day if the Lord would permit, we will give the details. 
So 4 months later, God is STILL good, and is STILL taking care of us..
 Our Families on both sides have been such a HUGE support system to us and we are so thankful for them. 


SO if you are reading this, and you made it to this point..
 NOW YOU KNOW the story
and if you would be so kind, don't act like ya don't the next time you see us and need us to tell it AGAIN..
 Common sense would apply here.. 
Don't mean to sound rude, but seriously... if you are in our life, you KNOW the trials we have and are facing.
 All that to say, there IS a reason I am not what I use to be, that I can not jump at every phone call needing me to do this or that... 
I realize that I "appear" to be ok, that is ONLY because the LORD works in me to handle stress, and pain differently than you.. 
Don't mistake that for weakness, or a cover up. 
Ya really find out QUICK who your real friends are when the rubber meets the road, this we have found to be true.
 BUT God promised to be everything we need, He fills every void, every longing, and gives such peace. 


And it is not over.. Steve's mom has Some health issues going on,and that is very painful to know and not be with her. 
BUT God is working in this too, how I wish to help take care of mama, but GOD is and will continue to work HIS perfect will. 
If ya would please pray for us all, as the future is so uncertain. 
I realize we all have trials and heartaches on every turn, we pray for so many of you, we truly care and hurt for  our  family members on both sides and friends.
 We are not self absorbed , we care and we love you! 
 Hope this post does not leave you to think we can not see outside of our own pain.
In  Our own pain,God has used to help us to be compassionate and be able to understand others who are hurting.. 
We praise GOD for this!!!